How to get your sparkle back…
Lessons from someone who found hers again..
As a little girl I absolutely loved to dance! While I didn’t have the words back then to describe it, I can now say It was fun, freeing, a time to shine! It all started when I took lessons at Miss Mindy’s, the local dance studio located in the infamous “Five Towns” of Long Island. The classes were with friends in a group setting which was super fun. Each session ending with a recital performance, performed in costume, of course, for friends and family.
Somewhere along the way I convinced my parents to book me solo lessons. I’m not sure what preempted this request, I think it just felt like the next progression. It was just me and the teacher, learning my own routines, especially choreographed just for me, which would inevitably climax when I would get to perform this routine at the year end recital, solo! In a sparkly costume no less, what could be better?!!
It’s so funny looking back on that time, I was fearless and I loved to shine and sparkle.. the spotlight on me felt so natural! I truly felt I was supposed to be on stage performing solo for all of you. And when I wasn’t on stage I was choreographing dances with friends in my backyard and performing for anyone who would watch! What’s funny is that I was good but I wasn’t that good! I didn’t care though, I just loved it! And I could let go and bring it on in the best way possible.
The ironic part about all of this is that I wasn’t ever a loud child screaming for attention. I was actually pretty quiet and calm, under the radar. I liked to observe, take it all in, a bit reserved, like the true capricorn I am, with that bit of a wild side that loves to come out in the right situation, at the right time. I simply loved to dance and perform. I felt so free, confident and alive! I could care less what anyone thought, which was the best part.
And then, somewhere along the way I lost my sparkle. I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I’m not sure if that was due to my parents divorce and feeling sad or if I started to compare myself to others, feeling not good enough or perfect enough, or if it was simply becoming a teenager and feeling silly dancing, like I was too cool. I’m not sure exactly but sadly something made me want to stop. It was probably a perfect storm of a combination of things, I may have noticed other girls were better, maybe another girl said something to me that made me feel judged or critiqued as typical teenagers do, maybe it was a deluge of things. I honestly don’t remember, what I do know is that somewhere along the way, I stopped allowing myself to shine.
In this anti sparkle stage, it all still looked good on the outside, but things inside me shifted. I stopped speaking up for myself. I was very quiet, sometimes people would ask “why don’t you talk?!” Which only made it worse. Somewhere along the way my light dimmed. And so I journeyed through life that way for many years, into my 20’s and adulthood. I was very aware of the shift inside and I looked high and low for the answers, I wasn’t willing to settle for a sparkle-less life! But I knew deep down there was some work to be done on my insides. A dimmed light felt off to me. How do I get my sparkle back?!.. I thought.
So I learned everything I could about myself. Journaled, meditated, therapy.. repeat. Listened to all kinds of books, went to retreats, you name it I did it. I became a little woo woo, which I used to be embarrassed to admit, but I started to notice shifts.. began listening to my intuition more, challenged my thoughts, took steps to let myself shine again which was so freakin uncomfortable! But the more I challenged myself and my thoughts, the more I started to notice the uncomfortable becoming comfortable again.
When I wanted to get quiet I forced myself to speak up. When I wanted to distract myself with the outside things for a temporary fix, I forced myself to stay in the uncomfortable until it passed. When I was in fear, I pushed myself thru it and did the scary thing anyway. And finally, when I wanted to shrink, I forced myself to shine.
So now I dance again, I perform again, I let myself have the spotlight on me again.
During Covid, friends and I started our own little dance troupe in a backyard. Just some music, a choreographer and 5 of us who wanted to find the joy and fun during a scary time. We ended up ordering costumes and performing for friends at a party. At first we were like, there’s no way we’re actually doing this. This was way out of our comfort zone and we pushed ourselves and eachother. It couldn’t have been more fun and freeing for each of us. We’ve now performed three different routines and it only gets better and better! It’s never about how good we are, I’ts about how much fun we can have, and how much we can allow ourselves to shine.
Even putting myself out there on social media at first was super scary and sometimes feels silly, but it also feels freeing, bad-assy, cool, and so fabulous.
So this my friends is how you get your sparkle back. You just do the thing you’re scared of anyway, and then another thing and another.
We all deserve to shine! Who are you not to?!!
With love,
Staci
