Don’t give your number to the man with the castle!
You know who I’m talking about, right? He approaches you.. he’s never seen anyone as beautiful, it’s love at first sight and you are instantly his soulmate. You take a step back.. you are flattered. He’s kind of handsome, dressed well and oh so charming. He’d like to buy you a drink, or maybe he skips that step and asks for your number right away. You wait a moment to take it all in, you’re about to say yes to a drink and then you notice he has a wedding ring on his finger. Interesting.
When you inquire, “are you married?!” He replies, “yes, but it’s ok”, in his darling French accent, “I’ll call the lawyers on Monday.” You now get the gist of what’s happening here and before you run away he proceeds to show you pictures of his castle in France and tells you he’s ready to start divorce proceedings because you are exquisite! What?!!
Well maybe you didn’t have that exact encounter. Believe it or not, that was my experience in Paris a few months ago. Many of us have faced some version of this scenario. And there are endless examples of the way moments like this one have shown up in our lives.
Thankfully for me that’s all code for, run as fast as you can in the other direction!!
Needless to say, he was shocked that he wasn’t getting my number, I guess he’s rarely rejected.. and that is part of the reason why I was inspired to write this.
I wanted to share about this experience because I know it can be tempting.. As a single woman it can be so easy to get caught up in the fantasy of it. Some of you may think, well you never know.. even though you’re kind of onto the craziness of it all.. you may wonder, maybe just maybe it could be fun, or, maybe he’s actually getting divorced.. or how happy could he be if he’s out here looking for someone. I mean, it is flattering when someone comes onto you so strongly.
Whether the person doing the love bombing is single, married or separated, when someone comes onto you with such intensity, married or not, that is a huge red flag. And sweeping things under the rug temporarily for a good time, typically comes back to haunt us.
And to be honest, before I did so much healing work on myself, the old me may have been curious, I mean a castle in France, wow!! Luckily, now that I know my own worth, I’m not looking for anything outside of myself to fill me up. And I’m definitely not looking to be saved.
Yes, a partnership with a loving person would be wonderful, but not at the expense of my own self value. Let’s never forget what we bring to the table by just being our beautiful wonderful selves!
Something interesting I learned about the love bomber is that they typically don’t even know they’re doing it. A lot of them actually mean what they say and are coming from their own unhealed wounds and are just trying to get their own needs met and fill themselves up.. and they probably think you are spectacular, because you are, only they don’t know you well enough to decide that yet.
So let’s all keep going inward and keep saying no thank you to that!! And when you say no, you tell the universe you’re not playing that game. You’re setting your standards to a new level. You’re empowering yourself and putting it out there that what you want is real love.. from someone who is presently actually available.
Getting to know someone slowly and thoughtfully who is emotionally and physically available, is where the magic is. Having patience and mindfulness with ourselves and in relationships is a work in progress for so many of us. As always, stay true to who you are and your values and allow the best to come!
With love,
Staci
(Currently not in a castle in France, but in my home sweet home filled with self-love)
